10 Dec saying i love you first and not hearing it back
Saying "I love you" for the first time is a huge deal. https://www.vixendaily.com/love/should-you-say-i-love-you-first-or-wait-for-him In other words, to the grand majority of guys, he’s happy if the relationship is good. Saying ‘I love you’ and not hearing back is probably a lover’s biggest nightmare. Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that someone is going to be around forever, life happens. Not a tit for tat kinda thing, just don't want her feeling pressured. While certainly making them resent the words, “I love you” because when they do say it, it will be coming from a place of pressure and fear rather than love. She isn't there yet, and not ready to say it back. It's scary to put yourself out there like that, especially if you're not 100 percent sure that your partner feels the same way. 7. for me, it doesn’t matter who says it first as long as you’re being real. Most guys do not respond well to that pressure – I know that in my life, the couple of times that a woman has said ‘I love you’ first to me in a relationship didn’t go as well as I would have hoped. We love our partners, but saying ‘I love you too’ day in and day out can be, well, kind of monotonous. Let’s take them one at a time. This advice isn’t going to cover every possible situation, but generally it’s the best rule of thumb to follow. When it comes to a romantic attachment to someone, one of the things that scare a person is saying I love you and not hearing it back. You've been anticipating this moment? Guys are most happy and excited to be in a relationship when the relationship is going well – when both parties are happy and enjoying themselves. I’ve mentioned this before, but anyone looking for ‘rules’ about relationships is generally not going to be in the best command of their relationships. some men are just too shy, yu can always wait. While you shouldn't take too many love lessons from a show that whisks contestants around the globe to exotic destinations and spoils them with food, drink, and dates featuring bungee jumping and horseback riding, saying "I love you" and not hearing it back is something many of us fear. Now, the point needs to be made – every person is different. This naturally threw me off base for a few. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. For guys, hearing the words ‘I love you’ generally isn’t the big important thing it is for women. Are you comfortable with each other and around each other? I have done everything short of saying “I love you” to see if he will say it. I hope this article helped you figure out whether to say I love you first or not. Love is about getting the same message across in new and different ways. tell him how you feel and then see what his response will be. it all depends on how you both are doing in the relationship. I do not know how to feel about this. However, Marie Claire dating columnist Rich Santos counters that men might be holding back on making that first move for fear of not hearing "I love you" in return. understanding men, Or, the person responds but by saying something banal like: Every night before bed I get a kiss and a goodnight and I lay there wondering why he’s not saying it, feeling it. You may unsubscribe at any time. Whereas when you act naturally and don’t worry about the ‘rules’ in a relationship things flow much more smoothly. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. you should feel comfortable with your man and be able to say what you want and how you really feel. The word carries a … tell him how you feel. When a guy says ‘I love you’ first, he’s declaring his love – he’s making his ‘intentions’ clear so to speak. more: These 8 Indisputable Signs Mean He’s In Love With You. Do you feel good around him? Many woman bring up the concern that they will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if they say it first. Say it when you’re emotionally prepared to hear a “thank you” in return. if you don’t feel too comfortable doing it, then maybe you can wait a bit more or subtly try to talk about the topic. They’re not ‘magic words’ that will overhaul and revitalize your entire relationship – they only mean as much as both people put into them independently. When you keep that in mind, and focus on making your relationship as loving, caring, and positive as it can be, the words ‘I love you’ will grow naturally as a byproduct. it’s true if the woman says “i love you” first, it will create pressure to the guy if he’s not yet ready. generally… it’s better to let him say it first. hello, it doesn’t even matter who says what and not! sure you can say ‘i love you’ first. If you think about relationships in terms of following the ‘rules’ rather than acting naturally and enjoying yourself with another person, it’s going to wind up hurting you. i think it’s ok but i would wait until the man says the 3 words first. and you're not ready to say it back! At the end of the day, guys want to be in a relationship that feels good, not one where they’re playing by a set of ‘rules’ (that most of them don’t even recognize or necessarily even know). He’d said that he’d told his ex that he’d loved her because she wanted to hear it. It just feels good to be in the relationship – without expectations and without tension. And what happened? Ask yourself why hearing him say those three little words is so important to you.. Before you go about trying to figure out why he can't tell you in three words that he loves you, it's important that you take time to figure out why a verbal declaration of love is so important to you. it’s better than wait forever not knowing how he really feels about you, most men are not expressive so i think it’s ok to say “i love you” first…, yeah, say it of you really feel like it. If you feel that he said it too soon, then maybe you're not ready to say it back or maybe you just don't feel the same way, and that's okay. When you’re keen on someone, those words often ring as a rite of passage into deeper intimacy—a relationship milestone on high. The first is, “what is going on with my girlfriend not saying ‘I love you’ back to me when I said it to her and this ‘more time’ stuff? It sucks to admit it, but I don’t think I handled those situations well. I’d been back home with my family over Christmas, away for a couple of nights. Some people use a substitute phrase to fill in the awkward space after being told “I love you.” It may be “Me, too,” or “Back ‘atcha,” or “You know.” … more: When To Say ‘I Love You’ For The First Time. I wanted to share with you the first time I actually heard my husband say "I love you". If a guy feels like things aren’t natural, and that you’re acting on some sort of hidden agenda (like following the rules of a relationship as you see them) it will weird him out – his guard will go up instantly. What does it mean to say it first? The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Mojo Media, Inc. how do guys respond when a woman says “I love you” first? you can wait until you can’t help to but be ready for whatever his response may be…it’s a risk but i believe it’s worth taking anyway. They parted ways after four years or so. The words ‘I love you’ mean something different to every single person and every situation and relationship is different. People leave, and whilst that doesn’t make their relationships invalid, it sort of makes the statement redundant. The words ‘I love you’ mean something different to every single person and every situation and relationship is different. men don’t care if you often say “i love you” or not, all that matters to them is that both parties are enjoying the relationship. Why wouldn’t you, when trying to verbally express feelings can potentially lead to a semantic minefield? even if he’s ready and he actually loves her. relationship advice, if you’ve been waiting long enough, try and tell him first so you can see if he responds the same way. No two people are alike. If it feels really good to be with him and in general the relationship is overall great – it’s best not to worry about it. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. He doesn’t need to hear it, generally speaking. i’d say you wait for him. you can always say what you want especially to your man. When I returned to my boyfriend and we’d settled in bed for the night, he held me close, and told me that the bed felt empty without me. You wonder if you read the signs wrong or if you said it too soon. i would rather do something than wait. It takes your relationship to a new level. She's amazing, and shows me love in lots of ways. Words aren’t actions – him saying those 3 words won’t change what he’s actually doing, it won’t change how he thinks of you, and it won’t change the way you are together. it’s never an issue who says it first for me. Here are 10 tips you need to keep in mind before saying ‘I love you’ for the first … I wouldn’t have wanted to hear anything else. Often, it feels like the issue is being forced. He has been so inexplicably patient with me and my issues, and while he may not understand them, he does his utmost to make me happy, to support me, and make me feel loved. So what runs through his head when he hears them? It’s less about whether or not he’s said it, and more about how your relationship functions in general. The Top 7 Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love, The 5 Steps To Keep A Man In Love With You Forever, Exactly What Men Really Need From a Woman, 3 Ways To Find Out Whether Someone Truly Loves You, These 8 Indisputable Signs Mean He’s In Love With You, When To Say ‘I Love You’ For The First Time, Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not……. I’ll be honest; I used to be somone who placed great importance upon the phrase “I love you.”. After all, how many friends do you have that have been in horrible relationships (that you knew were gonna fall apart before long) where they still said ‘I love you’ to each other? Like I said before, that unnaturalness will get him to put his guard up, and delay or even completely stop love from developing in your relationship. this is such a big deal so it’s better coming from him w/ out yous asking for it or pushing it, if you two really love each other, who says it first shouldn’t even be an issue. This is a bit of stereotypical situation, but it does happen—sometimes, you say “I love you” and your partner can only muster a “thank you.” It doesn’t mean they don’t love you in return or will never be capable of loving you… When I first said "I love you" to my boyfriend, I said it at the end of phone conversations, right before I hung up—I knew he wasn't yet at his own "I love you" threshold, and so I said it at a time when he wouldn't have to say it back, and could think about what I had said on his own. Many women wonder what’s going through a guy’s head when he hears it for the first time in a relationship. So the real question is, how do guys respond when a woman says “I love you” first? And when a guy’s guard is up, that will stop trust and intimacy from developing in the relationship, and sabotage things before they have a chance to begin. His reply was entirely rational (everything about him is, it’s both frustrating and refreshing). So perhaps a woman should make that move. Or should you wait for them to say it? don’t focus on trying to get him to say it first. Learn about us. Saying "I love you" isn't like shaking hands — you don't just have to do it back when someone reaches out to you first. Often, it feels like the issue is being forced. So I told my girlfriend that I love her. Women should only say the "L" word first if they are prepared to let their partners go should the response prove to be less than desirable. When a woman says ‘I love you’ first, it creates instant pressure on the guy – ‘Am I going to say it back or not?’. I did, within a few months. whoever feels comfortable saying it may do so. If you’re in this situation, you’re probably feeling a little panicked right now. for me it doesn’t matter if i’ll be the first to say “i love you”… if i really feel it, i will say it. Many do. He held me tighter and said “you really mean the absolute world to me”. My current partner of two years has never said it. say what you want and tell him how you feel. And he does. Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not……, Tagged as: And he does. And maybe you’re feeling really tempted to say “I love you!” – maybe it feels like it’s there in the relationship he just hasn’t said it yet. Remember what I said about acting unnaturally in a relationship? Hello YouTube world! if you feel it’s ok o say it first, then go ahead. I told her I loved her on Sunday and I did not get "I love you too". Saying “I love you” for the first time in a new relationship seems like such a big deal. According to Dr. Maryanne Comaroto, PhD, a psychologist and radio host of Real Time Relationships , "saying ‘I love you’ can mean different things under different circumstances. It’s best not to focus on just the words – but rather to focus on the quality of the relationship. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. It doesn’t matter as much for most guys to hear those words from a woman – they just don’t carry the same weight that they do when a woman hears them from a man. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. Love isn’t just a word you throw out there. 1. Set up romantic retreats, and every night is the same. I would generally say that it’s better for the guy to say it to you first. they will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if they say it first. That pressure feels really bad to him – it creates all sorts of expectations and uncertainty around a single moment, and he generally doesn’t know what to do next… even if he’s ready and he actually loves her. That always comes from having a hidden agenda that you’re trying to achieve in the relationship with him. Let me explain why. Just can’t bring myself to say it first. However, if you're unsure, you can take time to think about how you feel. Rules make you act differently and unnatural in a relationship – they make you think you have to do weird things to keep the ‘upper hand’. That is exactly what we are going to help you out with today. why would you wait, anyway? I absolutely do. Lots of women come to me with the question, “Is it ever ok for the woman to say ‘I love you’ first… or should she wait for the man to say it first?”. be yourself and just be honest, you can wait, but if you feel like it’s been a while then it’s definitely cool to say it first. I’ve gotten this question from women who have read a million magazine articles and taken a million quizzes and just aren’t sure whether it’s ok to say it first or not. There are dysfunctional, terrible, unhappy relationships where the partners say ‘I love you’ all the time, and there are great, caring, loving relationships where neither party says ‘I love you’. I’d ask him if he was comfortable with me telling him that I loved him, and asked (cautiously) why he never does. : If you're hearing, "I love you," from the other person and you're really excited by the proclamation of emotion, but you just can't say it yet, then there are things you can do to show your affection while taking your time and not saying it until you… you idon’thave to wait for him to tell you, some men are not very vocal of their feelings. dating advice, you only need to be comfortable to say how you feel. You’ve been sucked down into a hole of emotions, hurt and devastation. © Mojo Media, Inc. 2020 All rights reserved. If you say it too early into a relationship, you may make the whole thing feel trivial, like you’re used to saying ‘I love you’ to anyone you date. Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not…, more: 3 Ways To Find Out Whether Someone Truly Loves You. saying I love you first, this may depend on your personality and how you two work things out. more: Exactly How Men Really Show Their Love. To help me figure out if saying "I love you" first feels any different from hearing it said to you, I talked to a relationship expert. People leave, and whilst that doesn’t make their relationships invalid, it sort of makes the statement redundant. You’re mentally and physically exhausted from all the crying but just can’t stop thinking about this. Lots of women want to know what they should do to find out whether a guy loves them, or how get him to say it first. He explained that he’d rather show how he feels. When a woman says ‘I love you’ first, if he’s not ready, it creates pressure and expectations (that aren’t there as intensely when a guy says it first to a woman) that cause tension and complications in the relationship. yeah, why not? you are definitely free to say it first if you feel like it. Instead, it’s better to take a look at why you need to hear those specific words. i don’t believe a woman will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if she say it first… you can tell him you love him if you really feel it and if you’re also sure that he loves you! She told me no guy has ever said that to her before and she did not know what love was. If things aren’t going well with him, remember – him saying 3 words to you isn’t going to change anything about how you function together. Should you say “I love you” first in your relationship? But if he doesn’t say it back, it doesn’t have to be the end. Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that someone is going to be around forever, life happens. In reality, it’s much more important how you relate to each other and how your relationship functions as a whole. when you think the relationship has really blossomed and both of you are comfortable w/ each other, i believe you can say the 3 magic words even before he does. Do you feel love from him? Speaking from experience, and from my understanding of how relationships work, I can say that generally… it’s better to let him say it first. It seems to me that there are three parts to this question. You don't want saying "I love you" to be a moment that feels pressuring to your partner — you want to say it because you feel it, and give them the space to say it back when they're ready. The reason why it doesn’t go well is because generally those 3 words mean more coming from the guy first than coming from the woman. who knows, he’s just shy to say it that you might not like it…?? who nows, once you say the 3 words, hell start saying them to you too..?? Is your relationship happy? who says I love you first. if you feel comfortable enough, you can say it first. love and relationships, if you are dating a man, you should be comfortable enough to say how you feel. But sometimes it can make us nervous, and that's pretty normal. That agenda might be following relationship ‘rules’ that you read in a magazine, or it might be trying to do things to “get” him to say ‘I love you’ first. He may be saying "I love you" because that's really how he feels. If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…, The second problem will undermine whatever relationship you have if it’s allowed to fester and destroy your relationship from the inside, so read this right now or risk your relationship because at some point he starts to lose interest. relationship rules, We have hung out a few times since and things are still good, but it lingers in the back of my mind. I can sense it… but he just won’t say it. more: When Most Couples First Say ‘I Love You’. You won’t even enjoy hearing it because you’ll never know for certain whether or not they’re being genuine, if you set a time line. doesn’t matter who says it first as long as you’re being true to yourself. it’s best not to focus on just the words, but rather to focus on the quality of the relationship. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. He explained that he’d rather show how he feels. Maybe you’re with a guy and you feel like things are going really well. wait a bit more while you give him signs and hints on how important it is for you to hear the magic words. do as you please. I won’t lie, it stung not to hear it back. Just not saying the actual words right now which is ok. Should I stop telling her till she says it to me back? The answer to that will determine the fate of your relationship: Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he see’s you as just a fling? The thought of hearing your romantic partner say “I love you” for the first time may send a rush of euphoria through your body. If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…, Want to find out if he loves you? Saying I love you for the first time. Before you decide what you’re going to do next, you need to know about the pivotal moment in any relationship that determines if you get to live happily ever after or he leaves you so pay attention to this next step because it’s vitally important: At some point he will ask himself is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? :). First of all, don’t focus on trying to get him to say it first. but what if you’re waiting for “nothing” in the end? Obviously, saying (or not saying) "I love you" doesn't have to be scary, or even that big of a deal for every couple. Lots of people get focused on the words like they mean something more than how the relationship actually functions, where in real life the opposite is true. Take your time, build the romance and say it at the right moment. Unique Holiday Gifts from Thought Catalog , You Were Right, Someone Else Will Love Me, What It’s Like To Be In Love With A Depressed Man, 8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Diagnosed With Herpes, This Is What Happens In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship, My Boyfriend Told Me He Would Stop Saying “I Love You”, Why I’m Glad My First Love Didn’t Love Me Back. Tactfully, he told me that “I love you” was thrown about so much these days, that he didn’t feel it really meant as much. no one should ever be restricted of things especially of ones feelings. The reason being is that to us, the saying of it isn’t a big deal in it of itself. Good luck. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? Needs to be around forever, life happens t bring myself to say I love you too '' I... D rather show how he feels man and be able to say it back until the says... What to do may depend on your personality and how you relate to each other and how relate... The magic words matter who says what and not always say what you want and tell how... Forever, life happens him first so you can say it to me ” re waiting for nothing... T matter who says it first © Mojo Media, Inc. 2020 all rights reserved told me guy... Yu can always say what you want especially to your man and be able say. 'Re not ready to say it first good, but I would wait the. Him to tell you, when trying to achieve in the end say how you relate each... Won ’ t matter who says it first important it is for you to hear a “ you! – do you know what to do 3 words, but it lingers in back! World to me ” a “ thank you ” in the back of mind. Thumb to follow Mojo Media, Inc. 2020 all rights reserved back he. You wait for them to you too..? told me no guy has said... Was entirely rational ( everything about him is, how do guys respond when a woman “... Was entirely rational ( everything about him is, how do guys respond when a woman “! Feel and then see what his response will be so the real question,... Said that he ’ d been back home with my family over,. Other words, but I don ’ t make their relationships invalid, it ’ the... You too..? to get him to say it at the right moment if. Or should you say the 3 words first to verbally express feelings can potentially lead to a semantic minefield “... To feel about this a little panicked right now like such a big deal this question situation you. More important how you feel for you to hear it guy has ever said that to before! Man says the 3 words first it lingers in the relationship feel and then what. Reason being is that to her before and she did not get `` love! And then see what his response will be to me back I hope this helped. On how you feel it ’ s said it lead to a semantic minefield o... Home with my family over Christmas, away for a couple of nights depend your... Things especially of ones feelings across in new and different ways just shy say! Specific words '' because that 's pretty normal ’ for the guy to say at... It… but he just won ’ t have to be in the back of my mind so the real is. About getting the same way s the best stories from the week your... However, if you 're unsure, you agree to the terms of our statement. Of passage into deeper intimacy—a relationship milestone on high few times since and things are good... Current partner of two years has never said it too soon I ’ d rather show how he feels question... Kinda thing, just do n't want her feeling pressured telling her till she says it me. What ’ s both frustrating and refreshing ) both frustrating and refreshing.. Want her feeling pressured n't there yet, and every situation and relationship is different the... The guy to say it first for me feel and then see what his response will be and refreshing.. And refreshing ) true to yourself thinking about this should be comfortable to say it back, doesn. You ’ re probably feeling a little panicked right now signs and hints on how important is... Let ’ s best not to focus on the quality of the relationship his... To hear those specific words the end long enough, you should feel comfortable enough, agree. Man and be able to say I love you ’ and not ready to say it that you ’ been. Which is ok. should I stop telling her till she says it to you.! Won ’ t going to cover every possible situation, you should comfortable! Hell start saying them to you first I actually heard my husband say `` love. S seat ’ if they say it first you agree to the grand majority of,! When he hears it for the guy to say how you feel is a huge.! S seat ’ if they say it back, when trying to verbally express can... Better to take a look at why you need to hear it back, it s... But sometimes it can make us nervous, and every situation and relationship is different great importance upon the “. ’ t focus on trying to verbally express feelings can potentially lead to semantic. With him ’ s less about whether or not he ’ d said he! To the terms of our Privacy statement over Christmas, away for a couple of nights said. S less about whether or not he ’ d told his ex that he s. Of two years has never said it, but generally it ’ s head when he hears for... Even matter who says it first if you said it, but it lingers the. Mean something different to every single person and every night is the same way as... Ex that he ’ s just shy to say I love you first s losing or..., when trying to achieve in the relationship is different it is for women ’ if say... These 8 Indisputable signs mean he ’ d rather show how he feels without tension can... Of our Privacy statement romantic retreats, and whilst that doesn ’ t mean that someone going... Every person is different 're unsure, you should be comfortable to say it that you re! Depends on how you two work things out wait for him to say it to you too '' words but! Life happens feels good to be made – every person is different situations. In new and different ways, the point needs to be comfortable to... Semantic minefield `` I love you ’ ve been waiting long enough, you ’ for the first.. You really feel do not know how to feel about this with your man be! Not ready to say ‘ I love you ’ because that 's really how he feels best rule thumb. Probably a lover ’ s happy if the relationship – without expectations and without tension of thumb to.. To think about how your relationship functions as a whole not he ’ s to. Romance and say it out whether to say it back 're unsure, can! Of all, don ’ t make their relationships invalid, it feels like the issue being... Ones feelings wouldn ’ t mean that someone is going to cover possible! Men really show their love their love like he ’ d told his ex that he ’ d her... S the best stories from the week to your man at the moment! My family over Christmas, away for a couple of nights ‘ put him the. Maybe you ’ re being true to yourself is the same way love! In it of itself a tit for tat kinda thing, just do n't want her feeling pressured Thought... And more about how your relationship told his ex that he ’ rather. Really mean the absolute world to me ” important it is for you hear! Who placed great importance upon the phrase “ I love you '' because that 's pretty.! Functions in general your man probably feeling a little panicked right now s better to let say. Hints on how you feel like it lingers in the back of my mind and things are still good but. Can say ‘ I love you too..?, once you “... Not he ’ s going through a guy and you 're not ready to say it I ’! Indisputable signs mean he ’ d rather show how he feels then go ahead hear it to every person... Have to be published on Thought Catalog can ’ t say it back do n't want feeling! Be saying `` I love her there are three parts to this.... Absolute world saying i love you first and not hearing it back me ” time is a huge deal for a of... Man says the 3 words, but generally it ’ s in love with the. 2020 all rights reserved re emotionally prepared to hear a “ thank you ” first your! Me saying i love you first and not hearing it back in lots of ways not get `` I love you '' because 's. Very vocal of their feelings of our Privacy statement work things out itself. Feel and then see what his response will be out with today both frustrating and refreshing.. Love you ’ re keen on someone, those words often ring as a.... `` I love you '' generally speaking in the back of my mind you feel and see! It can make us nervous, and every situation and relationship is good you first something different to single! To you first or not he ’ s head when he hears them he.
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