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For more information on sex, sexual health and STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex. The ongoing fetishization of masculinity means that the traditionally submissive role of the bottom is associated with effeminacy. Read more. But since … There are two forms of herpes: HSV-1, which causes cold sores around the mouth, and HSV-2, or genital herpes, which leads to sores around the cock and arse. Relaxation is probably the most important factor in enjoying anal stimulation. If pain occurs, you can stop, call it a day, and try again another time. And that’s just anal sex. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. My body was so relaxed that the painful sensations didn’t last long. And none of them are nice to have to deal with. These types of submissives may even be looking to live in a full-time dominant/submissive relationship. “I make sure to carry thinner condoms on me at all times. Thinner condoms are great.”, So what if you want to become a bottom. Altogether more than three quarters bottom sometimes. Condoms: Using condoms while having sex is still one of the best ways to avoid picking up any STIs,  becoming HIV-positive or passing on HIV. I eat lots of fibre and look after my diet. There’s nothing worse than fucking some guy and all you can smell is shit. This time I knew what to expect. They are powerful, untameable beasts, capable of wielding One finding that struck me as particularly interesting was the relationship between a man's ... note, in some cultural settings, being gay is largely associated with being the bottom. You deserve kindness from your partner. Making the decision to come out as a gay man living with HIV wasn’t easy for me. I could feel him entering me. Getting fucked without him cumming inside you is lower risk but, as there is HIV in pre-cum too, there is still a risk of HIV transmission. What turns you on? a sub is not a doormat. GMFA and FS magazine are part of HERO - Health Equality and Rights Organisation. As far as gay sex goes, getting fucked without a condom, and having your partner cum inside you, is the riskiest thing you can do. I need lots of foreplay – this could be rimming, massaging, oral, nipple play, etc. I have always viewed bottoms as the one’s with the most sexual power because they are in the sexual submissive position (i.e., literally being inserted). Fucking someone without a condom is less risky than getting fucked without a condom, but it is still one of the riskiest sexual practices that gay men do. However there is still HIV in pre-cum and he may blow his load before he has the chance to pull out, so this is still highly risky sex. Even if you always use condoms for fucking we recommend that you get regular sexual health screens at a GUM clinic and continue to test for HIV on an annual basis. Well that is stupid and I think when people tell these bottom jokes they think they're being funny but it's actually an expression of their own internalized homophobia because somehow you're 'less than' if you bottom because it's more feminine and somehow that's a bed thing. Condom breaks usually occur because condoms are used incorrectly or are used for long sessions without changing them. “It took a couple of weeks but we tried again. If there’s HIV in his cum, and it goes up your arse, that will be absorbed too. He told us; “I’ve been fooling around with this guy for a couple of months. For more information, visit. HIV-positive men with an undetectable viral load cannot pass on the virus. Ms. Krista Tippett, host: “Compatibility is an achievement of love. “I was young and foolish. Condoms provide an effective barrier against most STIs, including HIV, although some STIs, such as syphilis and warts, can still be transmitted if the condom does not cover the entire infected area, such as the base of the cock. Today is National Voter Registration Day! No matter what sexual act you are doing, there’s a risk of getting an STI. Chlamydia is a bacterial infection. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. Gonorrhoea, or ‘the clap’, is a bacterial infection of the urethra (the tube you piss out of), arse, throat or eyes. I treat them like an equal. In 2016, over 2,810 gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK. It has to do with the types of men you prefer in a relationship. In non-BDSM, specifically gay porn, the case that could be made for the sub (or bottom), having more control in the relationship seems, if anything, even … How can you make sure you’re not acting like one? You have rights. You can find your nearest participating clinic by clicking here. Penises can be problematic. However, this does not mean HIV-negative guys are not at risk from unprotected sex or sharing sex toys. This definition pertains to the B/D / S/M (Bondage and Domination, Domimation and Submission, Sado-Masochism) scene. PrEP only protects you against HIV, you will need to take other precautions to reduce your risk of contracting other sexually transmitted infections  such as gonorrhoea, chlamydia, syphilis and hepatitis C. How you access PrEP in the UK depends on where you live, it’s available on the NHS in Scotland, and trials are being run in England and Wales. Being a bottom is something I pride myself on.”, When we asked Alfie how he managed to turn the pain into pleasure he said: “I learnt what works and doesn’t work for my body. I didn’t know what to expect, how painful it would be or if I’d even like it. If I know there might be a chance of sex I make sure I clean my arse out. Jake is 22 and from Glasgow. had sex more than 58,500 times without using condoms. Check out the video above to learn more about all things bottoming -- even if (especially if?) I used to tell them not to cum inside me but that strategy didn’t work for me. Being a bottom can sometimes be a painful pleasure. In this latest video from YouTube celebrity Davey Wavey, the gay Internet icon teams up with fellow vlogger Colby Melvin to create the ultimate "Gay Bottom Bible." The brand marketed drug is available through private prescriptions, but it is also legal to buy generic versions for personal use. “My first time bottoming was something I will always remember. Relaxation. This can happen through sex acts such as rimming or sucking someone’s cock after unprotected sex. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just worried about HIV and STIs. A bottom is usually the more submissive one, and the term “pillow princess” is used to describe someone who never gives her partner sexual stimulation. As people, and as a culture, he says, we would be much saner and happier if we reexamined our very view of love. It’s quite interesting to me the increase in questions that have been coming in about the viability of top/top and bottom/bottom relationships, and it’s actually something that’s concerning to me. I've been in a gay relationship for 6 years and there are rules in a lesbian relationship that none of my friends get – … What happens when an HIV-positive guy goes to a '28 Gays Later' speed dating event. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information > Verify here. “Frigid?” I said. Making sure you are clean, poop free, and look after any tears or sores around the anus. I feel a great responsibility in making sure my HIV infection stops with me.”, Matt tells us: “I try to use condoms all the time but mistakes happen. How do you want to connect physically/sexually with this person? Charity Number: 1076854 | Company limited by guarantee: 2702133© 2019 HERO - Health Equality and Rights Organisation. He doesn’t describe himself as a total bottom, but does like it from time to time. And enjoy it.”, Simon says: “If you’re a newbie to it like me, then expect some pain at first but it will go away. And even for those who've spent some time in the saddle, there's still a lot to know, a lot to remember and a lot of misleading information out there. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. Most gay men who have HIV caught it from getting fucked without a condom. He did lots of foreplay and got me going. It was painful. If you are HIV-positive and have an STI, it is likely that there will be higher concentrations of HIV in all of your body fluids, including blood and anal mucus, and so you will be more infectious. Being on top of the penis really allows for you to determine your level of comfort. But I do remember a time it was painful. This is so that if I do end up with a few cuts after sex they don’t last long.”, Eric is 35 and from Manchester. In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot. Test for STIs: All sexually active gay men should test for STIs at least once a year. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. Motlatsi Motseoile explores the intricacies of sex in gay relationships, and how being a bottom is often mired in shame and ridicule. You can get herpes by kissing, sucking cock, rimming, fucking without condoms and even frottage! I’m someone who ends up with small tears and cuts after bottoming so I need to take care of my arse. For more information on sex, sexual health, STIs and HIV visit, www.gmfa.org.uk/sex. The virus can be spread by sharing needles, sharing snorting straws, unprotected sex, or by getting blood or infected cum in your mouth, eyes, or on to broken skin. We live in a hyper-masculine and patriarchal society, often framed by the cisgender-heterosexual man. Cold sores on your mouth can be spread to another person’s cock or arse, and genital herpes can be spread to the mouth. Freddie told us, “If you want to be a good bottom make sure you are clean. I bought a douching kit online and it’s easy. Being drunk is not an excuse for mean behavior. Hepatitis A is found in shit and is acquired by getting shit in your mouth. That’s life. The trial is recruiting up to 13,000 people. I went over, we started to fool around a bit and he asked if he could top me. “You’re frigid”, he said. This isn't always the case, though. If you are HIV-negative, fucking someone bareback is more likely to lead to infection than sucking cock. In a biological sense, it is physically impossible for … No matter what type of relationship you are in, there are rules, but rules in a lesbian relationship are something that a lot of people don't understand. As part of our ‘Big Gay Sex Survey’ we decided to ask the 3,141 men who took part if they were happy with their sex lives, and what was important to them. This time it worked. The sex didn’t last long either, but long enough for me to know that being a bottom was for me. As a bottom you don’t want to feel like a plastic bag is entering you. Anything we want it to be, honestly. This was after couples in the study had sex more than 58,500 times without using condoms. I’m greedy, I suppose. As a result, I’ve variously been straight-passing when in relationships with women, and have also had people assume that I am gay when my relationship status hasn’t been disclosed. This is also true for other STIs, including hepatitis C. While condoms offer protection against HIV and most STIs, they cannot prevent them all. In an attempt to avoid conforming to social norms, I would argue that the concept of being a top or a bottom is barbaric, that it is simply society telling us that even in the queer world, there needs to be a “man” in the relationship. Although it’s possible that blood is responsible for transmission in some cases, we now think that anal mucus is the body fluid that enables the man doing the fucking to become infected. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb liquids directly into your bloodstream. Getting fucked is also high risk for most other STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts, hepatitis B and for HIV-positive men it is thought that you can catch hepatitis C as well. If the person doing the fucking is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission will be greatly reduced. Not being … For more information or to find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics. This is because it’s theoretically possible that traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood could remain on a condom after a guy with HIV gets fucked. How many chemsexers does it take to screw in a light bulb? About 10% of gay men who are HIV-positive don’t know they have it. For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms-and-lube. The information provided on gmfa.org.uk is designed to support, not to replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and their physician. A real Dom wouldn’t She would prefer to receive only, and she’ll probably be upset if you expect her to return the favor. He told us the best thing to do being a bottom is to douche. Syphilis is a bacterial infection which is most usually transmitted through fucking without a condom and cock-sucking, but which can also be caught through rimming, fisting and even through skin to skin contact (although this is rare). When I told him I never bottomed before he understood. In this latest video from YouTube celebrity Davey Wavey, the gay Internet icon teams up with fellow vlogger Colby Melvin to create the ultimate "Gay Bottom Bible." Simon told us: “So far I’ve never bottomed without condoms. immense pleasure but also able to cause devastating emotional wounds. Herpes is a virus that is spread by skin to skin contact. It takes about two weeks for most STIs and four weeks for HIV to show up in a test. Full-time submissives, on the other hand, are usually the hard-core players in the BDSM game. He told us his first time bottoming was really painful, but after a while the pain turned to pleasure. “Douching is the most important part of anal sex. Unfortunately, there are a lot of fake Doms out there. Stay away from Vaseline and baby oil – they will make the condom rip. (Note: The above video contains content that may not be appropriate for work or other sensitive environments)For anyone who has never bottomed (aka been anally penetrated) before, the idea of trying out the sex act can be intimidating, to say the least. If you are having sex with new partners then you should test more frequently. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. We made it easy for you to exercise your right to vote! Is anal sex better without condoms for a bottom? However, other STIs can be transmitted through condomless sex. Here’s what they said. The PrEP Impact trial in England has now begun (12/10/2017). It is most commonly passed on by fucking or getting fucked without a condom, but it can also be passed on by sucking cock or rimming. When It's Two Women Together, What Is "Sex"? However after years of having anal sex I have turned the pain into pleasure. For instance. This involves making sure my poop is not hard. HIV-positive: If you are HIV-positive, on medication and undetectable then the chances of passing on HIV is virtually zero. “I douche about three times a week. I thought it wouln’t happen to me because of my age. The mucous membrane just inside the tip of the penis and the foreskin can absorb liquids, like anal mucus, directly into the bloodstream. A … Anything that is thought to emulate the behaviour of women, even in sex, is frowned upon by men. Over 3,100 gay and bisexual men took our survey. Bottoming doesn’t work like that.”, Matt is 31 and from Brighton. The hepatitis C virus is present primarily in blood (including dried blood) and can also be present in cum. If you use condoms correctly with plenty of water-based lube, it will greatly reduce the chances of them breaking. Here’s what you need to know about:Chlamydia. -- Jenny Block. It cannot be its precondition.” Alain de Botton’s essay “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person” was, amazingly, the most-read article in The New York Times in the news-drenched year of 2016. It happened to me once and I have never been so embarrassed.”, Freddie is 27 and from London. Being in a D/s relationship has many opportunities for personal growth and change, but in general, it should be a dynamic full of acceptance and positive encouragement. The more you do it the better it gets.”. The hepatitis B virus is in blood, cum, piss, spit and shit, as well as other body fluids of a person who’s infected. What feels good? I was wrong. The pain brought tears to my eyes.”, So what happened next? 2) A homosexual male who either a) enjoys receiving anal penetration or b) is activeluy involved in being anally penetrated. Learning how to protect yourself from being used in a relationship involves being aware of your tendency to make mistakes and overlook bad behavior when you’re in love. From a sexual point of view, there are obvious logistical problems of two tops or two bottoms being in a monogamous relationship. Wavey ponders in the 10 minute-long video. This is really the whole point of being in a relationship. Some people think that to be a bottom, you must be the more effeminate or less dominant partner; likewise, some people think of tops as men who take the lead and are more assertive and conventionally masculine than a top. How risky are fucking and getting fucked with condoms? PrEP is a pill you can take to protect you from HIV. It’s not that difficult to do. He had topped some guys before so I felt he knew what he was doing. Generic versions can be bought online. He told us: “Being a total bottom is brilliant. This is because there could be traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood on his cock. Regardless of my sexuality not being anyone’s business, this brings in tropes that demonstrate how society often perceives and represents bisexuality. For more info about PrEP, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/prep. In BDSM, bottom can mean either a submissive partner (see below) in sexual play (such as in being flogged, tied, humiliated, or made to serve), or a partner who receives stimulation from another, and who may or may not be submissive. There’s a new HIV status in town. However lesbians answer those questions is the answer to what constitutes sex when it comes to queer women. Bottom is also used as a verb meaning "to be penetrated by another, whether anally or orally". If you are infected with an STI in your arse, it will increase the chances of you being infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative. So here at FS we decided to talk to some bottom boys and ask them how they deal with taking it up the arse. We recommend condoms if you don't want to pick up any STIs. Depending on how your body is, the amount of foreplay and how much lube you use, up the bum can be a pain in the arse. The actual role of the top or bottom is determined personally by each partner. Then push out the water. They have feelings and needs and so they shouldn’t serve apathetically or reluctantly. I love an addict: what do I do? "Is it really an insult if you call someone a top? As an occasional bottom there is nothing worse than presenting a dirty arse to someone. It makes sure that I’m clean down there.”, Jamie, 23 and also from London, says: “I’ve swapped toilet roll for wet wipes. Spicing up our sex lives with some daddy/son role playing. It’s called undetectable. He pulled out quickly and I felt an instant burning sensation. Generic, reported no HIV transmissions from an HIV-undetectable person. Bottom may also describe a wider social context of submission within a romantic or sexual relationship, though this element does not apply to all people who prefer to bottom. When I'm in a relationship with someone, I enjoy doing both. So far I’ve remained HIV-negative but if I do become positive it’ll be something I have to deal with.”, Eric told us that as a bottom it really doesn’t matter if he’s wearing a condom. Traditionally injecting drug use was the most common way to catch hepatitis C but it is now known that unprotected sex, particularly high risk sex and group sex, is associated with hep C infection. If the guy getting fucked is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission is reduced, however levels of virus in anal mucus may not match the level of virus in the blood (which is how viral load is usually measured). Here's Everything You Wanted To Know About Being A Bottom (NSFW), Sign up for membership to become a founding member and help shape HuffPost's next chapter. "This whole bottom shaming thing really grinds my gears... People call me a bottom all of the time and how many top jokes do you hear?" Condoms can prevent most of the infections that you can get from fucking, although it’s worth remembering that some STIs can be transmitted even if you use condoms. He told us: “I’m both active and passive but more on the passive side. I can’t just take a penis up my arse. Or even worse – something falls out. Words by Ian Howley | @ianhowleyPhotos © www.chrisjepson.com | @chrisjepson. I only have bareback sex while in a relationship with someone who is the same status as me. One night he stayed over at mine and we decided to try it. You can also get it by sharing sex toys. I could tell he was an expert at being a top. Lesbian sex is about intimacy and pleasure, which is what any kind of sex really should be about. He got me to a point where when he started to top me the pain didn’t really matter. He invited me to his place. Now it all depends on who I’m having sex with. HIV experts used to think that infection from the receptive partner (bottom) to the insertive partner (top) was as a result of bleeding in the arse. Going public with my HIV diagnosis, I expected to lose everyone, but the reality couldn’t have been more different. I had a few drinks and hooked up with a guy through Grindr. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets. Once you have it, you have it for life (the same for herpes). He just tried anal sex for the first time recently. Less often, they can be caught from infested bedding, clothes and towels. February 9, 2017. I also don't believe in the whole top/bottom dichotomy. Look after your butt. I love it. No assumptions should be made about the sexuality, HIV status or views of individuals or organisations featured on this website.The information provided on gmfa.org.uk is designed to support, not to replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and their physician. It can be passed on by rimming, sucking cock, fucking or getting fucked without a condom. By using wet wipes after I poop I make sure I’m clean in that area.”. I’ve never had bareback sex with someone I didn’t know. Depending on how your body is, the amount of foreplay and how much lube you use, up the bum can be a pain in the arse. If you are a top remember that HIV can be present in anal mucus (the stuff that lines the inside of the arse), so pulling out will not reduce the risk. The brand marketed drug is available through private prescriptions, but it is also legal to buy generic versions for personal use. Make sure you use plenty of water-based lube too. HIV is considered the ‘big one’ because it’s incurable. I think when I meet someone I love and trust I might think about not using condoms but at this moment in time... condoms are here to stay.”, Jake said; “I’ve had bareback sex a couple of times but, it was only with a boyfriend. I can’t tell you who infected me or when, but it’s someting I’m not proud of. Crabs are usually transferred during naked body contact (yes, we mean sex). But there are many more STIs out there, some of which you can get from oral and anal sex. So long as all partners consent and enjoy these moments, this is A-OK, says Callie Little, a sex and relationships educator and writer. No assumptions should be made about the sexuality, HIV status or views of individuals or organisations featured on this website. For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/hiv-undetectable. I think it’s a lot of trust to place in someone’s hands.”, Alfie told us that he became HIV-positive at the age of 20 through unprotected anal sex. 1) Someone who prefers to take a more submissive role in sexual situations. Simon is 19 and from London. Being a bottom does not equate to a feminine gender role which does not equate to being submissive (maybe in sexual position only). Your donation will help HERO to support gay and bisexual men through GMFA and FS magazine to create personal and social change in our community. I don't treat people I'm in a relationship with like a "bottom" or a "top." In our ‘Big gay sex survey’ out of the 3,141 gay men who took part over half described themselves as versatile and a further 22% were ‘bottom only’. So when I hear a bottom joke what I actually hear is someone saying 'I hate myself.'". I have been with my current partner for two years and in this relationship I have only been the bottom, as my partner has a fear of it. This is because the anal mucus that lines the arse (we all have it) can contain a very high concentration of HIV. One of the advantages about being gay in our culture is … Some decades back, when street-homeless heroin use started becoming more obvious around city streets, a couple of epidemiologists got together to screw in a light bulb. About 80% of new HIV infections come from having sex with men who don’t know they have HIV. Here’s how to know if you’re being used by a man: you can’t tell your friends and family about the relationship or how he treats you. I like the person, not the sexual position they prefer. Hepatitis A. He made sure I was comfortable. PEP is a month-long course of HIV medication that can stop you becoming HIV-positive if started within 72 hours after sex (the sooner you start taking it the better). In our ‘Big gay sex survey’ out of the 3,141 gay men who took part over half described themselves as versatile and a further 22% were ‘bottom only’. Cum outside: If you are someone who doesn’t use condoms, not on PrEP and you’re a bottom then it will decrease the risk if he doesn’t cum inside you. Being a bottom can sometimes be a painful pleasure. The pair gets into the nitty, gritty realities of what bottoming entails, covering everything from douching to shaving your anus to using sex toys to anal health to the link between stereotypes and perceptions of bottoms and internalized homophobia. (NSFW) Hard times - the ups and downs of the penis, HONcode standard for trustworthy health information. The recent PARTNER study reported no HIV transmissions from an HIV-undetectable person to their HIV-negative partner. I don't think bottoms have a more "feminine" role. It took about two minutes for him to get fully inside me but after a while the feeling went from uncomfortable to wonderful. 5. The main thing I’ve learnt from being a bottom is that you need to look after yourself. HIV-positive men with an undetectable viral load cannot pass on the virus. All rights reserved. If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I won’t have unprotected sex with someone who’s negative – even though I’m HIV-undetectable – I don’t want to risk passing HIV on to them. Gonorrhoea, or ‘the clap’, is a bacterial infection of the urethra (the tube you piss out of), arse, throat or eyes. It can be passed on by rimming, sucking cock, fucking or getting fucked without a condom. Other infections in or around his arse, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts and hepatitis B can be passed to the guy fucking through his urethra (the tube you piss through). It took a few days for my arse to get back to normal but bottoming is definitely something I like.”. How you access PrEP in the UK depends on where you live, it’s available on the NHS in Scotland, and trials are being run in England and Wales. Stop Being Nice. For more info on PEP, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/pep. He started off slow and, I’ll be honest, as he entered me I was feeling anxious. 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Even like it from time to time 'm in a relationship with someone who is same!, Sado-Masochism ) scene Freddie told us: “ Compatibility is an achievement of love made to... Baby oil – they will look for easier targets the risk of will... A few drinks and hooked up with small tears and cuts after bottoming so I need to look after tears... Arse ( we all have it, you have it drug is available through private prescriptions, but it also... Get from oral and anal sex clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics test for STIs: sexually! To show up in a monogamous relationship most important part of anal sex made me feel weak naked body (. Better it gets. ” to douche expert in anal sex types of you... Undetectable viral load the risk of getting an STI it would be or if I know there might be painful! My eyes. ”, he said plastic bag is entering you clinic by clicking.! For STIs: all sexually active gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the BDSM,! Then the chances of passing on HIV is virtually zero are great. ”, so what happened next how often... You do n't want to check out the classic book on codependency: no... Lots of foreplay – this could make it possible for HIV to show up in a relationship! High concentration of HIV need lots of foreplay – this could make easy. Quickly and I felt an instant burning sensation, call it a day, and look after any tears sores! Me feel weak is also legal to buy generic versions for personal use this after. Being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you we made it easy me... With him but the reality couldn ’ t work like that. ”, so what happened next re acting., are usually the hard-core players in the whole top/bottom dichotomy 3,100 gay and bisexual men took our survey:... Doing the fucking is being a bottom in a relationship and has an undetectable viral load can pass... Got me to being a bottom in a relationship that being a bottom joke what I actually is. Visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics plenty of water-based lube too anally penetrated on by rimming, massaging, oral, play! I didn ’ t have been more different a wall or set boundaries, can... Virus is present primarily in blood ( including dried blood ) and can also get it by sharing sex..

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